If I had a superheroine alter-ego, it would be that of The Turbanator. I’d creep around Melbourne in my one-piece velvet harlequin Miss Kier catsuit from Edgeley, rescuing righteous dames from their grey, drab office cubicles on Collins Street and transporting them to friendly, cake-filled co-working spaces so they might begin their own businesses and live life on their own terms. The Turbanator would shadow Metcops on trams, using her magical powers to top-up low Myki balances whilst dissuading the transport cops from bullying the commuter community from atop giant Bowie-style Kyoto High Preston Zly platforms.
The Turbanator would also specialize in a complex ‘warning mime’ routine during first dates as she prowled around the city and the inner-burbs on Friday nights, pointing out lovers best avoided by discerning ladies. The Turbanator would regularly get busy reclaiming the word fat by using it liberally to describe gorgeous fat cats, ladies, babies and fellas, nixing rubbish Pinterest thin-spiration and body horror in her wake. The Turbanator would obviously recommend full-fat milk in all cooking, and build lending libraries on suburban streets full of Margaret Atwood and Terry Pratchett novels.
Working once again with fine Melbourne designer Alice Edgeley of her eponymous label, I had the opportunity to embody my inner superheroine – The Turbanator – from high upon a new residential development in South Yarra. With a generous smattering of The Velvet Underground and Bowie, this fabulous outfit is equal parts burlesque and Bond girl. Finished with a matching velvet Gloria Turban inspired by Hollywood of the 1930’s and a fetish-feeling Shield belt by Tusler, this look asks no approval to be fabulous.
Can you imagine how good you’d look in this outfit, zooming along on a motorcycle to smash the patriarchy? I can.
‘I got one girl, I got two wheels
She a big girl, that ain’t a big deal
I like a big girl, I like ’em SASSY
Going down the backstreet listening to Blackstreet’.